“If I look back, the biggest thing that I regret is not surrendering sooner. It dragged the misery out for years. My family suffered. That iciness still weighed me down because I was so scared to try something that I knew nothing about, I had judged it so I kicked against it. At one point, I reached a place where I fundamentally knew that it was time to change – that point was when I felt the most lonely, hopeless, insecure, scared, guilty, and angry, all at once. After making that decision to ask for help and I guess, because it was a real decision, it had the most profound impact when I reached out and someone was there. That was when I became aware of how precious time is and I can either shape it with denial, hate, anger, manipulation, and dishonesty or I can do it differently and in a complete opposite way, I could embrace what life is.
Life is a collection of memories and I have learnt that the quality of life is based on relationships – those people that stay and still chose to love me. I wish that I had surrendered sooner because it feels like I have insufficient memories or stories of my family, such as events in their lives that I have missed. I needed to work really hard on accepting this and on forgiving myself for that. I then had to ask for their forgiveness for missing out on their lives. I wish that when I started this journey I knew how rich in friendship, joy, love community, hugs, and everything good that this lifestyle would be. I would have jumped at it if I knew this, I would have gripped it with everything I had.”
That was the response Pierre Kennedy, the founder of YouTurn House, gave me when I asked him what was something he wished he had known before recovery.
Recovery is a multifaceted journey that requires a combination of courage, determination and support. However, one of the most crucial elements in this process is often the most misunderstood: surrender. Surrendering in recovery doesn’t mean giving up or admitting defeat; rather, it’s about letting go of control and accepting help.
Barriers to Surrendering:
Pierre touches on refusing help whilst in the depths of active addiction. The dismissal of any help offered is a paradoxical act of self-preservation that ultimately leads to deeper despair and isolation. For many, admitting they have a problem is the first hurdle. It means acknowledging the reality of their situation – a reality that is often clouded by rationalisations and justifications. They may convince themselves that they have control, that they can stop anytime they want, or that their addiction isn’t really hurting anyone.
Fear is another powerful motivator behind refusing help. it’s the fear of facing painful emotions without the buffer of substances, it’s the fear of the unknown, of what life might look like with the crutch of addiction. It is important to note that refusing help does not just affect the individual – it ripples outward, impacting their loved ones and the wider community. Relationships strain under the weight of lies and deception. Trust erodes as promises are made and are broken time and time again. The cycle of addiction perpetuates, ensnaring more lives in its grasp.
Refusing to surrender also stems from the stigma and shame associated with addiction. This stigma exacerbates the guilt and shame one is already feeling, It also leads to embarrassment and feelings of worthlessness. Society often portrays addiction as a moral failing rather than the complex disease it is. This stigma leads to feelings of embarrassment and worthlessness, causing individuals to withdraw further into themselves rather than seek the help they need.
However, amidst the darkness of refusing help, there is still a glimmer of hope. It’s the hope that someday, somehow, the individual will realise they can’t do it alone. It’s the hope that they’ll reach out and accept the helping hand extended to them. The hope that the individual will surrender.
Why Surrender?
Addiction often erodes self-esteem and self-worth. Surrendering involves recognising one’s inherent value and worthiness of a better life. it is about letting go of shame and guilt and embracing the journey of self-discovery and healing.
Surrendering encourages living in the present moment rather than dwelling on past regrets or future fears. By letting go of the need to control, people can find peace and contentment in the here and now. This mindfulness fosters a sense of gratitude and appreciation for life’s simple pleasures.
Individuals can discover a newfound sense of purpose and meaning in life. whether it’s reconnecting with passions, rebuilding relationships, or helping others in their own recovery journey.
Lastly, but very likely most importantly, is finding connection. Connection is one of the greatest sources of hope in recovery. These connections are mostly found with in a 12-Step fellowship such as, Alcoholics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and the likes. Connection is surrounding yourself with others who understand the struggles and offer unwavering support and encouragement. Through shared experiences a sense of belonging and community is fostered.
In conclusion, surrender in recovery from addiction is about acknowledging that nobody can overcome addiction on their own. It is about recognising that the countless attempts to control one’s addiction have only led to further suffering. Surrender involves humbly accepting that help is needed and being open to receiving it.
Ultimately, surrendering is about finding freedom. It’s about releasing the grip of addiction and embracing a new way of life. By surrendering, individuals can break free from the chains of addiction and create a life that is filled with purpose, serenity, and fulfilment.
In recovery, surrender is not a sign of weakness, but rather a powerful act of courage and humility. It is a fundamental step towards healing and transformation, allowing people to let go and to move forward, embracing a new way of life.
